Black Bottle et al

I've stalled out on Black Bottle. I have tons of notes, I have chapter seven almost done, I know exactly what is going to happen, I still love the characters, still think endlessly about it...I just can't write the god-damned sex. I've been working on the sex for months now. I get a little done here and a little done there, but it feels clinical and hollow and I'm not enjoying writing it. Which wouldn't be a huge deal except that the sex was supposed to be a major part of this story. I mean. They're different species. And it's supposed to be bdsm as well. I can't fade to black on this. Part of the problem is I have no time or place to myself anymore to write. It's kinda hard to stay focused on kinky shit when my husband is wandering around the room, alternately looking over my shoulder (no you can't read this, switching over to icanhascheezburger ktks) or playing loud obnoxious youtube videos twenty feet away. I think I'm going to have to get myself a table, chair, and a fan upstairs so I can write, but really, pain in the ass right there, and uncomfortable. Not sure that will really help. I really haven't done more than peck at anything for the past couple months - ever since our free time has started overlapping completely.

The other thing is, I'm becoming more and more aware that if I'm going to publish something, I need to stop fucking around with fan fiction. Can't publish that, not unless it's an AU and I can de-fannonize it sufficiently, but that's another blockage altogether. This blockage is the one called "you've never actually finished anything in your life, poo-head". I really haven't. It's pathetic. My life's path thus far is a trail littered with unfinished projects. Black Bottle may be yet another. I thought if I could finish Black Bottle it would give me the confidence to know that I can finish a large project if I really want to, that it could be a stepping stone to the first novel. But here I am. Half way through Black Bottle and stalled.

How long do I hang on to it? Do I drop BB for now and try to work on one of the many original projects I have sketched out? Or is dropping it going to make it that much easier to be apathetic about giving up on the real goals?

I've gotten some smaller things done in the interim, which has been encouraging. I picked up a bunny I had written down months ago, cuddled it, and turned it into a decent, medium-sized one-shot csi fic. I took my MAJOR PROJECT, my sci-fi novel that I've been destroying and rewriting over and over since I was thirteen and drew up a timeline for a large chunk of it, got some brainstorming done, made some progress on the universe creation aspect - but that's not the same as writing either.

Sigh.

And here I am. I have a couple hours to myself, the first all weekend, and I spend it wanking.