So. We're back from our vacation. We took a cruise, our first. Seven days on the Norwegian Gem out of New York to Port Canaveral, Great Stirrup Cay, New Providence (Nassau), and Grand Bahama Island. Damn did I need a vacation. The week before we left was hellish at work, and while I had and will always have my little anxious moments when it comes to traveling, this one really did me some good I think (despite the havoc wreaked upon waist lines and bank accounts). And since I have now been on a total of one (1) cruises I am now an expert on them and shall impart my wisdom upon you. So if you've never been on a cruise and were thinking about it, you may learn hither. Obviously I can only talk about the one cruise I've been on, but I imagine it's pretty representative.
My parents gave us ride from our place down to New London to catch a train to Penn Station. We were there a good hour early so mike and I hoisted our Giant Backpacks (we decided to pack light and not take luggage so we could get on and off the boat quicker. Having done it that way once, I'm bringing the fucking rolling bags next time.) on our shoulders and wandered around the vicinity of the Amtrak station a while. They apparently don't believe in salt in New London. We walked maybe a half mile, Mike did a Scooby-Doo on the ice, with his Giant Backpack and actually didn't die, but we saw the warning therein and decided not to go to the hospital instead of the Bahamas that day.
This is the boat we went on, the one in the middle there. The Norwegian Gem was instantly hailed as the gayest-looking cruise ship in the world by it's peers the moment it got it's rudders wet. It is expected to hold this title for many years to come, or at least until Princess Cruise Lines christens their Princess Prissy-Pants oceanliner in August of 2010. You think the outside is gaudy, you should see the neon carpeting all over this thing.
I didn't take any pictures of our room since there really wasn't room for us and the camera to be in the room at the same time. Ok, I exaggerate. It was tiny, but ship-efficient, clean, very nice actually. It had double beds that they moved together for us, which was fine, but they always slipped apart again and one of us always ended up in the crevice. :P
A couple random shots....
Now about cruises in general, if you've never been, as we hadn't. A cruise is basically an unprecedented week-long opportunity for on-board and affiliated port merchants to sell you crap. However, you can have a lot of fun and find what you're looking for with just a little preparation and creativity. It's really all about getting the most bang for your buck on board and on the islands so you don't leave feeling ripped off. That was kinda how I felt when we went on our last vacation and one of the reasons I was cautious with this one.
So, by category, what we did and what was worth it:
Shows. Our boat had a big theater with air conditioning built into the seats. I image the acts would vary greatly from ship to ship and cruise line to cruise line. We went to a show four or five times, and only decided it wasn't worth our time once. (they were free, so you know that one was bad.) Some of them were embarrassing to watch; embarrassing on behalf of the players and on behalf of myself as a consumer of artistic garbage, and some were genuinely entertaining, such as the comedian they had there, Ross Bennett, and the magician, Duck Cameron. (yeah I don't know.) Hit or miss I guess. The other place to look for entertainment is at the bars. During the evening there were musicians in two or three of them almost constantly.
This little Philippino man is named Ariel Jacobe (again, no idea about the name. I wanted to make a Little Mermaid crack or ask him to play “Part of that World” but I thought better of it.) This man sounds more like Frank Sinatra than Frank Sinatra did. He was fantastic, and me and the hubb practically followed him around the boat. He was amazing on the piano as well.Shore Excursions. We purchased three. Having done so – not sure I would do it again. Again, seriously overpriced, especially the last one. The first one was cheap to begin with, it was just a shuttle from port Canaveral to Cocoa Beach for $15 per person, and they give you a discount coupon to a local restaurant and to Ron Jon's. That one was actually probably worth it since we ended up using the coupon to Ron Jon's, but presumably, you could get a cab ride there for less. The next one was the snorkeling on Norwegian's private island Great Stirrup Cay. That was a bit of a rip-off. The island was nice enough I guess, nice beach, the fish were really cool, the rip tide a little scary when you got way out towards the rocks, but there are lifeguards, but really, $40 per person to rent snorkeling equipment? Yes it's yours for the day and you'll be there several hours, but that's the only difference between you and the people who didn't buy the excursion package. It's their private island and all the food is free. If you bring your own mask and goggles (and they require that you wear a life vest out there, and I understand why, the current really pulls you out in the deeper areas) then it wouldn't cost you a dime extra. On a side note, if you ever go to this island, don't go to the lighthouse, it's really not worth the mile long walk in the seriously dry heat. Though there are cool iguanas to look at if you go, the lighthouse is sorta stumpy and dumpy and you'll need a liter of water for the trip. It's like Nevada there. So dry the sweat evaporates off you before you can feel it, so you never feel hot or thirsty until you're in danger of dehydration.
In Nassau we didn't pick out an excursion package because none of them really looked all that good, and I'm glad we didn't. I read between the lines a little in their description of one particular package, and by the sounds of it, we would be paying the cruise line $120 to get driven around the island on a bus while a lady dressed like a pirate narrated. It also included stops at Fort Charlotte and a pirate museum.
And that was the best they had to offer in our price range, so we abstained. We walked probably 8 miles or so that day (tiring like wow) but only because Mike is a guy and won't ask directions. Fort Charlotte was easy to find, right on the main drag on West Bay street just outside of town. The Pirate Museum was also really close by, but we missed the road three times. The pirate museum would be great for kids. For adults (relatively speaking) who already have a working knowledge of pirates, it was a little dull and not worth the $20 or whatever it was, rather a lot. The exhibits were nice, and I know I would have loved it as a kid. The gift shop had a bunch of cool piratey things, and we got a big, antique-looking map of the Caribbean there. Admission to Fort Charlotte is only $5 per person and was way cooler. Lots of cannons and underground tunnels to explore. Watch out for the cannon's though. They won't go off, but you never know what you'll find inside them.
Our last excursion was the “Junkanoo Beach Party” and is the main reason I would advise looking very critically at what you buy from them. It was $130 and involved a 15 minute bus ride to a privatish beach with broken glass all over at 9AM followed by an irritating woman nagging us all to play kids party games, tug of war, musical chairs, and an egg toss with rotten eggs. The winners of these games got prizes. The prizes were bahama mamas which is just a tropical fruit punch with a squirt of rum. Everyone got a ticket for a free one as part of the package, and you could win more by playing the games, but who the eff wants to play stupid games and drink rum at 9am? Then there was the guy on the beach trying to sell us weed and/or teeshirts. Lame. There has to be other things to do on an island that big. I'm sorry we missed them.At Sea Days. Are kinda boring. Unless you like to gamble, drink all day, stand in front of the buffet and graze all day, listen to people trying to sell you watches and jewelery, auctions, or bingo, there isn't much to do. (The pool would presumably be a good option, but it was a bit chilly for that on our trip, and Mike won't even go in the pool or hot tub if there are other people in it at the same time, he's that shy.) There were other things to do of course, things that would have been fun if I was on my own or if we had gone with friends, card tables and the library and such, so maybe for the rest of the world, at-sea days are perfectly fine, but if Mikey and I go on another cruise, we're probably going to avoid them.
Food. Norwegian is one of only two of the major cruise lines that offers eat-whenever-you-want type of dining. It isn't quite as “freestyle” as they make is sound, but hearing from other people, it's way better than the fixed dinner times they give you on other cruise lines. On this boat they have one food place open 24 hours and one that is always completely dress-casual, though oddly, they're not the same place. All other places can often require or at least they recommend a reservation. You eat when they can squeeze you in, and that might not be until tomorrow. So you may end up eating at the buffet more often than not. And certainly that's no real downer. They have a nice selection of stuff, though I was concerned almost every day by the temperature at which their food was kept and served. Presumably it doesn't stay at such mediocre temps for very long considering the rate at which they go through food on these boats, but still. Also, I don't know what kind of preservatives (definitely a lot of salt) they use in their buffet food, but my allergies did not appreciate it, so beware of that. The food at the specialty restaurants was freaking fantastic. Our first night there we ate at Tepanyaki which is named for the style of Japanese cooking on a hot iron plate. (Basically a big griddle) I had shrimp and steak and all kinds of great stuff. Would have eaten the rest of it, but they served edemame and miso soup and fried rice, which I love but can't have anymore because of the soy allergy, but I'm sure it was fantastic as well. We got some impromptu entertainment at that place, not so much from the cooks, though they tried to be entertaining, but from the other customers. We were sat around the griddle with a family from Poland, and a young couple from New York. The impatient Polish father was impatient for his beer, but not obnoxious at least, and he kept trying to talk to the cook, a Philippino named Domingo and kept insisting that Domingo must speak Spanish because his name is Domingo.
Furthermore, though he claimed to have lived in the US for a decade or two, he seemed unacquainted with the fact that Americans don't really have a cultural identity, and instead refer to the culture of their ancestors, or the country of origin of the first in their family to hit Ellis Island. So when he asked the New Yorker where he was from, and the New Yorker said he was Italian, he assumed that he would speak Italian as well. When the New yorker explained, that no, he doesn't speak Italian, the increasingly impatient Polish man tried speaking German to him. He asked him, “Sprechen Sie Deutsches?” To which the retarded Italian New Yorker replied, “Do I speak Dutch? No, I don't speak Dutch, man.”We also ate at the French restaurant which came with our anniversary package. (again watch what you buy from these people, and ask specific questions about what you're getting for your money. This one was only probably worth what we paid for it.) I had the duck a l'orange. Flambe, which is surprising to see on a cruise ship since they are real touchy about open flames on boats. That was excellent, mike had the beef, also super good, and the chocolate fondue for dessert....ho boy was that good.
And finally, the hardest thing to squeeze a good value out of at sea....
Drinking. Going on a cruise is great if you like to get drunk now and then or you have a taste for certain kinds of drinks and end up getting drunk in the name of gustatory pursuits. There's no need to worry about getting too hammered to get home, drunk drivers, hookers, etc. The problem, at least on this boat, is that you either need to be very wealthy, a total lightweight, or you have to know somebody behind the bar to get drunk enough to appreciate the freedom. Mixed drinks will cost you eight to ten bucks on average (a top shelf margarita? Try $18.65!!!). And the alcohol content of these is dubious at best. They taste good but good luck getting a buzz. But with a little sneakery and creativity, you can successfully get drunk. Since the cruise line makes huge amounts of money from you from alcoholic drinks purchased on board and they don't want to give up that income, they strictly regulate the alcohol coming on board. Which means you can't have any. Even if you purchase it on the boat in the duty-free shop, you're not allowed to have it until the end of the cruise. So this is whatcha do. Before you get on the boat you get yourself a bottle or two of booze. Make sure its something you like cuz it's going to be with you for the rest of the week. Also, clear booze is probably easier to smuggle than, say, goldschalger, or pucker, things in weird colors. The other thing you need is an empty water bottle, either something that you reuse like a sports drink bottle or perhaps even more clevar, a couple of those big evian or aquafina bottles. That's what we used. You drink or dump out the water, put in your water-colored alcohol, and it passes right through under the noses of the greedy authorities. Then you purchase your very tasty $10 drinks and simply take them back to your room for a little embellishment. And no, there is no reason whatsoever for you to feel you are robbing them of vital income. Cruise lines purchase entire islands for their own private use to sell you more overpriced and under-spiked drinks. Those few of us on the low low end of the financial spectrum on the boat being thrifty is not going to hurt them at all.
The other thing I strongly suggest is examining the bang-for-your-buck you are getting from the drinks you do buy from them. Mixed drinks, as I've said before, are variable and not to be trusted unless you're mixing them yourself, but beer and wine and straight liquors are hard to fake. Also, check their expanded beer list. Many of the bars on the boat have just a handful available but at least on our boat two of the bars had about 50 different beers available if you just ask. Some of the more obscure brews were at almost-reasonable pub prices and may have upwards of 8% alcohol such as the Bavarian Celebrator Doppelbock. One of the ones I drank on the boat was an English ale called Boddington's. It comes in 16oz cans for the same price as a 12oz of another brand though it's only 4.5% alcohol or thereabouts. It's very mild tasting but sort of creamy, and when you pour it out, it looks like an amber-colored Guiness. Very yummy and pretty. Also, check out the “tastings” the various bars offer. We went to a margarita tasting and got four, 4oz glasses of four different margaritas (v. good) for $15, made and presented by an adorable little Philippino man named Ramil. (Everybody on this boat is from the Philippines, I'm not sure why or what that means.)
Lessons learned:
1.If you've been on other boats before, presumably smaller ones than the 93,000 ton monster we were on, do not suppose that getting your sea legs will be the same or even easier because the craft is so huge and will therefore have much gentler swaying motion. Yes, the motion is more subtle, but don't' forget that you will spend much of your time on the boat indoors such that you can't see the water or horizon or anything not moving. This means that you can't tell when, how much, or in what direction the floor is going to move under you at any given time. We spent much of the first evening when everyone was out on the deck and in the lounges partying, laying in our bed being dizzy and going....whoooaaaaahhh....this is soooo weeeeiiiird. Also, expect to be swaying for a couple of days once you're back on dry land too.
2.Keep track of your “do not disturb” signage, and use it basically any time you're in the room. You never know when one of your extremely attentive attendants will decide to check up on you and show you how attentive he can be.*
*yes.
3.It is almost impossible to get a hangover on a cruise ship.
4.If a guy carrying a tray full of identical girly drinks in fruity flavors with nice umbrellas and things sticking out of it approaches you and offers you a drink on the spot, politely refuse. Find your own alcohol. And find drinks with a reliable alcohol content like beer, wine, shots, stuff they can't water down, and make sure you watch the bartender and make sure he knows you're watching him.
5.Columbia Crest Grand Estates Cabernet Sauvingnon is disgusting.
6.When going to the Caribbean, either have very short hair, no hair, or already have your hair braided into perfect corn rows otherwise you will be propositioned 2,672 times a minute to get your hair braided by one of the locals. You have a hat or a bandanna? You don't need your hair braided, nor do you need a sunburn on your scalp. In fact, no matter what they are offering it's best not to make eye contact and just ignore them. They are no different from the guys in suits on the ship trying to sell you a new Swiss watch or emerald except that they make a lot less money than the guys actually working on the ship. Which is unfortunate, but really, don't waste your time swatting them away politely, you'll burn your whole day doing it, and your time on the islands is short.
So that's it. We're back, rested but not tan. Fatter but not really any worse for wear.... It only took me two months to lose that eight pounds before...*sob* lol.
